i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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