If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
