it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
