What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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