Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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