I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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