I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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