2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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