remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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