my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
