I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
