Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
