I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
