I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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