well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
