were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
