Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
