Nicole vs. Life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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