At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
