i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
