Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
