We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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