Pappa wants mamma naked
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my sisters under your porch take her home
accomplished twins. life is a go
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
