Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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