you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize