My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
