I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want to walk on stilts...naked
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
