I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
