i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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