im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
