i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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