No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
