I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize
