I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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