24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
