My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
