I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
