We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
