Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
