Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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