I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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