Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
