you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So much rum. So many feels.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize