When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
