I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
did i walk over a car last night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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