You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
