Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
