Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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