I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
