Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize