im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
