I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
