Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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