help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
