All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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