I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i've created a new STD.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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