September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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