I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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