im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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