The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
