friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
