I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
