They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
