I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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