i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
