it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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