Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
