Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
