Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
