i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
