Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
