you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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