Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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