Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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