Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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