Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
