i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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